Keep Moving Forward: The Story of Geon

I come from the type of environment where my people always pushed me to be great, whatever you do. I didn’t have a lot of male role models in my family, but I do have my mom and my grandmother. They told me I could lead and be a leader, and that fueled me. In that environment, feeling that support I always knew that with dedication, anything is possible. I’m the youngest, and I learned to navigate and advance. For example, I started and ended school early.

I love my city, I love Oakland, but a lot of people here don’t have those positive role models. It feels like everybody is out only for themselves, like “If it’s not benefiting or helping me, I don’t care.” A piece of that I think was the pandemic. There was a lot of money circulating, and once the money stopped, people went into survival mode. The cost of living has gone up a lot over the past five years, and people are caught on this hamster wheel and still don’t have enough money, so they go to other alternatives to survive, and its in this survival mode where fear comes out. People feel like they’re not safe. A lot of problems just relate to communication, but people just take matters into their own hands. Fury, rage; a lot of people self-destruct.

When I was shot, I didn’t even know it at first. Everything felt like a dream. But then I got really nervous because I couldn’t feel my legs, I was paranoid I might be paralyzed.

I literally couldn’t walk.

They said my leg was fractured. It took 2-3 weeks to get the bullet removed because the doctors were concerned it would cause nerve damage. When they finally did get the bullet out, I was on crutches, I had a splint. I couldn’t even bend my leg for 3 weeks.

The aftermath was: bad dreams, sweating at night, and not being able to sleep. I had PTSD. I felt like I had no purpose, like I gave up on everything. I closed myself off. I said “I’ll never go back outside, I’ll stay in the house.” That was stress and fear. It was horrible. I was disabled, on bed rest, watching the clock go around, it gets crazy. It’s vulnerable having people see you not able to do the bare minimum. You want family there, but you be needing everything from them.

You need certain things to push you through. First it was the gym. I had to start over with walking. The treadmill was the main thing that got me walking. My mental wasn’t there, but the physical had to come first. It was like a rebirth, learning how to do everything all over again.

For the gym, I kept building strength, trying to get back to the norm. Whatever I can do to get myself better, or speed up the recovery, I was willing to do it. For me, this was a time to think and reflect. It was a long journey, but it was worth it. Youth Alive got me back, plus more, physically and mentally.

Youth Alive is like a family to me, this program is amazing. It’s crazy how it happened and how I connected with my therapist Rhea. Like it was all meant to happen. When my therapist got to know who I am, my background, and how I felt, that’s when we really connected. We met up every week. We met everywhere. It could be outdoors with scenery, or at a restaurant. That’s the cool thing about counseling at Youth Alive.

Counseling gave me the extra push to move forward. Before counseling, I knew I would make it, but I don’t think I would have come back this strong. It made me feel reborn, humbled me, and made me appreciate everything way more. Counseling, for me, was me getting to know myself again. How I’m feeling, where I’m at in life. As you start to notice more, you start making corrections.

Youth Alive counseling supported me mentally, and mental health is everything. A lot of people don’t know how mental health has an impact on everything around you. Sitting there and dwelling on the past isn’t going to amount to nothing. When people are holding on to pain and hurt, I know their mental state is not where it’s supposed to be. Most people are never going to say “I need help.” People go on and repeat it like a cycle, but that support is needed . I recommend anybody who can get counseling to, take advantage of it. Even if you don’t think you can use it, just getting the basics helps.

It feels good to have people around who care, and want to see you do good. When you have resources and people that are pushing and trying to help you, it’s like “I feel safe.” I even got checks from Youth Alive to help me out; it wasn’t much but I really appreciated it.

From this process, I feel like I grew, like I graduated. I feel like other people can use me as an example of what healing is, what healing can look like. Now, I’m able to spread my story and how it worked for me.

I dropped an album Friday, July 11th. It’s called “Sorry for the Wait.” It feels good. I’m already working on another album. I’m going to do it even better, I have hundreds of songs recorded. I was in a choir growing up. I was always musically oriented. I had affirmation DJing when I was younger. My friends kinda rapped when I was younger, I just did it for fun, I never saw it long term. Now, I’m on a serious level with it, investing more into it. I got my notebook and have been more punctual with writing. With music, you can use it and pour it into yourself so you can express yourself. Being gangster and being hard, that was never my thing. The stuff I have is a message. It’s timeless. Sometimes you might not know what to feel or how to feel. Music helps that. It’s therapeutic.

I’ve been doing some clothing too: Deep End Exotic Street Wear. People also are reaching out because they see what I’m doing in the gym. I was able to get other people into the gym and get them memberships. I brought family, friends, co-workers in there. Getting creative with being a trainer, getting in group work outs, it’s a good feeling. I do daily affirmations too. It’s not only helping me, it’s helping others. People tell me “don’t stop posting those.” There’s 97 people in my affirmations group chat. People have just started joining.

I want to tell my story because I want to be able to be the change. Knowing I helped somebody else, whether it’s by speaking or just showing up. Being able to be an advocate or role model, and showing that somebody can use resilience to keep moving forward is important to me.

Instead of just tearing each other down, and killing each other, it starts with real role models and leaders. Being able to come together to make some moves, that’s what people need to see. People need connection.

I always felt like I was part of the community growing up. I’ve been connected to resources and programs and I’m able to see how it helped me and how my experiences got me through what I’ve gone through. It feels good to come back and tell people how much has been done for me, and see what it can do for other people. When people see me thriving, it helps them keep going, moving forward, instead of staying down.

We might look like we have all the time in the world, but nothing is promised. We want to live out these moments and cherish them.